Willie Style

on a deeper note, what is the meaning of a friend? Google so eloquently but coldly tells me that it is someone i know well and regard with affection and trust. hmmm, i think i might have one or two ;-)

does it mean i have to call or be called on a regular basis? does it mean being in visual contact even once in a while? does it mean just being there when needed, an old reliable? does it mean the closest thing to a lover but not quite?

perhaps it's all or none of these. i'd like to think i have that subconscious sixth-sense type of bond with those people i call friends. i define them in my own ways. and i have them on different levels. some know me more than others. some think they know me but really don't and never could. others would never claim to in the first place. to some, i'm the listener. to others, they are the listener.

i would just like to think reassuringly as we enter the latter half of the first decade of the third millenium that i haven't lost any friends no matter who they are.

enough of that, i've got major post-Xmas sales at the mall to hit. outta my way!

is how i describe the past three days. did i want to come back to work? hell no. did i want to come back to austin? maybe. as more than one person has said in recent days, a problem is an opportunity for change. i MUST remind myself of that. there are 24 hours in a day, i only have to sleep at least 6 of those so surely i can do it all. one thing's for sure - i will have to sneak in a drink to get thru it. ciao~

20 degrees - in Texas - on Xmas Eve. No forecast for snow, but at least it will feel like Xmas. Things are better now. Car is getting paid off totally - no more monthly car payments - whatever will I do with all that extra money - hmmm, Gap here I come! We got totally screwed over on the badass condo we were looking at, but alas, it was not meant to be is the only way to look at it. Pressure is on though - have 1 week to find something. Hard to share 1 vehicle between 2 ppl - realize that we take our personal transport for granted. Anyways, off to Brownwood for 3 days. Can't wait! TTFN, Merry Fucking Xmas.

So I got the best news tonite - my fave musical group in the world is finally releasing their tour dates for the US. Erasure will be in Texas in May. Hoping to make it a double or nothing. This might be the last time, you never know. But overall, things are more neutral than yesterday. Found out I won't have car payments after today, unless I get screwed somehow. But still haven't heard from the leasing agent about the apartment. Something's up. Oh well, two days until some well-deserved relaxation and escape from reality when I go home for Xmas break. Too bad it's only 3 days.

..i feel i may have one, the stress of it all, the car is mangled, where do i live, will the agent approve my app, did i spend money in vain, will my s.o. be ok, will my boss come thru this week, will i be able to take a vacation, will i fuck up at work, am i working too much, am i pms-ing, is that something a male can have, do they make midol for men, will we make it thru our 5th year together, will fame and fortune be in our future, can i help any of this, is it already planned, is there really a noncorporeal being controlling fate, in the end, maybe a heart attack would help...

Yes, you read that right. My little red Mazda, she is totalled. Small accident with a bigass Dodge Ram ended her life prematurely. Hoping to get it totalled for insurance purposes and wipe out the lease and start over. I'm sad, but things happen for a reason.

So here it is the middle of December and no closer to deciding where the hell to move. Yeah, I'm staying within Austin, but there are a bazillion apartments, duplexes, condos, lofts, houses, studios, flats, younameit. I'm starting to have serious anxiety about all of it. Decisions, decisions. I think I'll make a side visit to the clinic afterhours and score some free samples of whatever mood-altering meds are laying around. One of 'em has to help. Reminds me of the classic 80s commercial - "Calgon, take me away...!"

So, we find out that the candidate for Homeland Security Secretary has had not one, but two, extra-marital affairs, made thousands from owning stock in Taser Corp., getting out of Iraq early, and didn't pay taxes on his illegal-immigrant housekeeper. Go figure!

So I scored this weekend. I scored with free gifts. Even though I'm not officially a staff member of my client, they let me choose a gift anyways. I scored a $25 Borders gift card, along with a groovy wine caddy. This coming Thursday is my own company Xmas party, so remains to be seen what I'll score there.

Here's a blog from the other side of the gay politcal spectrum - the gay Bush lovers. Almost sounds like a double entendre. http://gaypatriot.blogspot.com/

Andrew talks about Massachusetts abolishing domestic partnerships and companies removing domestic partner benefits. Why? Because they can marry - just like the heteros. Very good pro-gay-marriage article. Click the title above to read it.

Oh that Jon Stewart, how he likes to make fun of everything and everyone. Newsweek and Time both have Jesus on their respective covers. Jon says they're announcing that Jesus has been born. Just another sign of Xmas at hand. Will it just come and go please? That way I only have to wait 9 more months until Wal-Mart, the bastion of all things American (except for all that crap made in China), brings out the Xmas displays again. Save us all!

....According to a new FCC estimate obtained by Mediaweek, nearly all indecency complaints in 2003—99.8 percent—were filed by the Parents Television Council, an activist group....

So a few people are depriving us of racy Fox programming and Janet's breasts. I'm not surprised.

The cold air has settled into Austin, enough to make people freak out and extend my commute to 45 minutes. Damn people, let's get a move on.